Mall Grabs, Mongo pushers, and Long Boarders are the Only Posers in 2014

Photo on 2014-07-21 at 20.15


Pictured above I’m executing a double reverse mall grab with shades on. For those of you that don’t know a mall grab is carrying one’s skateboard by the truck. In the late 80’s and 90’s mall grabs did not qualify one as a poser. A few years ago when I learned of mall grabs I thought who f—-ing cares how people carry their board.  Hatred of mall grabs has increased at least 75 percent since 2011. Enough so that any skater walking around for significant periods of time holding his or her board that way is clueless about skateboarding in the year 2014.  If the board is fresh with no marks on it, be double wary.


Mongo is simply pushing with your front foot. It’s always been ugly and a sign of a newbie.  Some skaters rip and push this way, but most graduate to pushing regularly. In the year 2014 even pushing switch mongo is suspect. Fortunately, this is something that can be easily achieved by any skater. All one has to do is push with one’s back foot. This makes it easier on the eyes, and sets one up much better for tricks. Even if you don’t do tricks, pushing the regular way gives one instantaneous brownie points.


Long boards have gotten the fitting nickname of ‘wrong boards.’  Their legions have come up with a marketing ploy. They promote it to college kids and grownups that are new to skating. They tempt them with logic like with long boards you simply cruise, no worries about tricks. Recent studies show that long boarders get into more accidents than regular skateboarders. Here are a few reasons: oversized boards make it harder to maneuver, long boarders only cruise on streets as opposed to skating spots, and a bunch of newbies are bombing hills on them. Long boarders are not skateboarders. On the other hand cruiser boards are acceptable. If you’re not interested in tricks, get a cruiser.


Three weeks ago I rolled my ankle on a switch frontside varial. Like a poser I took way too much time off. Getting back this weekend I felt movement on my knee while riding a mini ramp. Basically I need to do some reevaluation of my skating goals.  The world will continue to spin if I stay away from switch frontside varials.  If I take a break from kickflips I’m still a skater. Part of skating is trying to progress in some way. That means doing things correctly, doing tricks, and also adapting to your circumstances.  My skating level does not compare to when I was 16 years old, I lost a lot of tricks. To me the most important thing about skateboarding is to keep doing it, even when you go through times of change, and injuries.


Even if you are a skateboard poser, you are ten times better in my book than the scooter kids. Scooter nation can go to hell.

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