Social norms are easing up on marriage expectations and sexual orientations. But one thing remains the same. People that are perpetually single stand out. You don’t have to be married or straight, but you better have a significant other. This blog entry is for all the people that are mostly solo, and that includes me.
Friends and family perceive someone always single as being unhappy. Perhaps many single people are frustrated, but some purposely avoid relationships. I get this a lot as teasing from friends and conversations with family. Since I’m never seen with a woman, it’s odd. I know everyone has the best attentions but I’m annoyed and I don’t need advice.
I work full time, have writing ambitions, and want to do things that take time. The idea of a relationship where I’m on someone else’s schedule was not appealing to me for a long time. I’m self absorbed, and I didn’t want conversations over dinner every freaking night. My thoughts could not circle around myself that way, and I’d have to actually listen to someone.
Now that I’ve made some positive changes in my life, I may be more ready, but I’m not rushing myself. I’d rather do all sorts of things on my evenings instead of trolling on dating websites. With stopping drinking, I can’t be a regular in a bar. What I can do is continue to work on improving myself, in hopes to be a better match in the near future.
Here are two things I can do to make myself more confident and marketable.
- Get in shape and be attractive.
- Get in control of my finances.
I live in New York City and people do respond to beauty. I know trying to look better can be a false incentive. Getting in shape would have other tangible benefits like I’d skateboard better, and be more athletic. One reason I’m perpetually single is my standards are high, and one way to deal with that is to look better myself. My goal is to get in good shape over winter. Then if I have a flat stomach I’ll consider getting new clothes, and make an effort.
This year I moved. I had to get blinds, a sofa, and art for my walls, which was expensive. I’m committed to being sober, and therefore will make better choices on how I spend my money. I’m lucky to get retro pay soon from work. So my goal is to pay off my student loans and my credit card debt before getting my tax-refund. That way I can start my savings soon.
Therefore, I’m not even trying for a relationship until spring. I want to achieve fitness and get out of debt before anything else. If I do those two things I will have confidence, stability, and no burdens or debt. All of those are attributes one wants in a partner. Basically I need to get where I want to be before I think of a relationship.
If I don’t meet someone, I don’t care that much. To me in the modern world one should not seek to meet the expectations of others, and one can stay single into old age. There are enough humans in the world, and not everyone has to breed or do the family thing.